sleepless nights ...

Salam 'eid mubarak to all. Hoping everyone had a pleasant 'eid at home or anywhere you are fi hifzillah. We celebrated 'eid in S'oton last Saturday and seems like it was merrier than 'eidul fitr, as told by the others. There were even more Malays attending the 'eid prayer and there was 'makan-makan' as usual at Kg. Broadlands. Seems like everyone's back from the winter holidays. And people back home in Malaysia celebrate it today with Qurbans and a wedding soon InshaALlah. Kak Diana is already married to a Kelantanese guy and they'll be having a reception at the groom's hometown on the 2nd day of the New Year InshaAllah. Barakallah lakuma wa feekuma wa jama'a bainakuma fil khayr. That's a very merry 'eid isn't it? :)

But, the three of us celebrated 'eid "quietly" at home, all because of the false alarm! ;)

We slept really late on the night of 'eid after cooking some raya delicacies when I started to experience discomfort and pain. MashaAllah, We thought the little fella was about to 'come and celebrate' 'eid with us three. But he/she didn't turn up. Nope. Not yet. It was just another 'drill' I guess. We stayed home all day and life goes on with a lesser 'eid feeling. Too restless and tired. Nobody had enough sleep. And too excited in a way, not knowing what's up next.

Nevertheless, we had three visitors in the evening. Lucky them and us too Alhamdulillah, there's food to be served and enjoyed by everyone. Not to forget the special 'pink' ketayap/kuih dadar with white coconut filling : well, we didn't plan to make any and there were no green colouring nor brown sugar to make it look the way it should. It was our first trial which was a success, hamdanlillah! :) Taste matters, right? It's abuhandzalah's favourite and I'm happy that at last, I can prepare it from my own kitchen! Err, of course with abuhandzalah's skillful technique of spreading the dough (men'dadar'kan bancuhan kuih) in the pan, as I'm a bit 'tak gheti guano' to make it nicely round and thin. Huhu, just like the way we made English pancakes. I'll get all the ingredients ready mixed and he'll do the rest. He's even better at handling the really really thin popiah skins the first time we made our own too. Aiya, I need more training with my hands-lah ;)

Poor Handzalah who hasn't been anywhere much lately. The weather hasn't been good for walks in the park and ummi hasn't been that well for long journeys. He had so much fun after my last visit to health center last week, when we stayed at the uni's park for a while to let him run around and watch the ducks enjoying the cold flowing water in the pond! One of those flying creatures flew on top of our heads and Handzalah was really stunned! He was laughing and mentioning "duck", "duck" all the time. He likes it so much whenever we walk down to the university (and up home) especially during these holidays when there's not many people around; dunia ini aku yang punya! He'll be running around without anything to worry about. We usually let him free on his feet which usually capture's the public's eye with all smiles and sometimes "HI". Well, he's that friendly little guy that passes a bit spark to everyone, the person you'd like to run into during the gloomy days with dark skies. :) There's one time he walked pass an old man and he told us with a loud voice and a big smile, "The little man is marching" ... aha, he is! "Marching" ahead with all positive thought in his head and heart, I think, and I do believe. Isn't it nice to be like a kid, with the least to worry about and the most to be happy of?

Lately, Handzalah has learnt not only to give cuddles and kisses upon requests but he's offering and requesting them from us! Usually before he falls asleep or if he's up before bedtime ends and he needs to sleep back, he'll call for ummi and abi, saying "pewuk" (peluk/hug) or "shium" (cium/kiss) with his two hands and cheek ready for action. I'm thinking of the moment I'll need to leave him with his favourite 'kakak-kakak', that's when we'll be in labour ward! Will he be fine? May ALlah ease everything and make him happy always. I hope we won't need to be in the hospital that long. Though, I know he's always excited and will have so much fun with them around. He'll always fall asleep in the car after we left their place because he'll be all busy entertained and entertaining! He'll be playing here and there, this and that, calling their names and forget ummi's there too ;). We just gave 'kakak-kakak' a raya visit before maghrib today and we stayed until 9pm! Simply fulfilling his everyday request - wanting to see them! :) Hoping to keep him occupied and happy having another little fella around. Thinking of a proper timetable to get him to the library and playgroups when I'm all well InshaALlah. I don't think the little playtime and learn we're having at home now is adequate for his development. Well we do mix around with other families and children, but as he's growing I just hope I can cope and do enough things (if not more) for his growth.

Sleepless nights ... I think it's very much usual for new families to have them or everytime there's a newborn. Or in some cases, married life requires you to stay awake for a lot of reasons and most of them - to care for the people you care most about! Well, during pregnancy it's quite a normal syndrome, where mothers-to-be experience sleepless night and restless mornings. Sometimes you just can't sleep and most of the time the discomfort deprives you from a good one. That's part and parcel of motherhood, and parenthood too. Mothers and fathers will be 'zombies' for nights and weeks before they adapt to their new roles and responsibilities. But it's not something that starts or ends during early babyhood, those sleepless restless days might recur whenever any of your beloved ones - especially the little helpless fellas - fall sick or had trouble sleeping. We had that problem with our little boy before. He slept well during the first two weeks but we still had to wake up for changing and feeds and nurse him in the hospital when he had jaundice in the 2nd week. It continued non-stop through weeks and months as he was colicky and later on developed a problem of adjusting his sleep in the proper hours at night. My husband had to buy us lunch everyday because we never had the chance to sleep well at night and therefore in the morning, I'm all tired and exhausted. He'll be going to work with a tired sleepy face. Only until he's weaned off the breastmilk totally that the sleeping problem really went away but alhamdulillah it was better after hist first birthday. I would say the colic had an effect on his sleep and so did our journeys and travelling. I remembered reading and listening to the Health Visitor's/GP's saying that he'll never be able to settle until we settle down - from moving - FIRST! So to all parents wannabe, plan well please :). I know it's not easy, we've had changes in our original plan due to things happening beyond our ability to discard them and therefore THE CONSEQUENCES!

Nevertheless, I hope our countless, sleepless, restless nights will be accounted for as good deeds that will be rewarded with pleasure in the eyes of the Almighty ... Ihfadzillaha yahfadzka!

salam 'eid mubarak to all and forgive us for our weaknesses and wrongdoings.

* read about colic

tiga perkara

yang tidak ada di kamar kita
bukan jendela,
kipas angin
atau pendingin hawa berkuasa kuda

yang tidak ada di rumah kita
adalah isteri dan anak-anak
(juga barangkali suami,)
yang menjadi penyejuk mata
sumber ketenangan jiwa

yang tidak kita punya
rupa-rupanya kasih dan cinta
sedingin air telaga,
tenang dan bersahaja
namun sentiasa segar
menghilang panas tubuh,
letih dan dahaga

bahang yang terasa
di sebalik istana mewah terbina
kerana kita
tidak kenal Pencipta,
tidak kasih kekasih-Nya,
dangkal dalam mengertikan
kalam-Nya nan sempurna

kenali dan cinta
tiga perkara
moga hilang panas di dunia
bersama bayang nyala murka
neraka Tuhan yang setia menanti
bahan bakarnya

khaleel el-wafy
rumah kecil furzedown road,
Dec 28, 2006.

talk-about-babies [part 5]

the little boy has grown ...

so much!

Sometimes, I just can't believe my eyes and ears: the way he acts and talks it's like he's left the tiny, cuddle-only babyhood for a long time! Now he's learning to call people's names, especially kakak-kakak's: the frequent visitors to our little house.

He has so many expressions now: laughter, smiles, frowning and even cries like he never did before! He's a bit too dramatic sometimes, pulling his little face to show ummi and abi "I'm sad"! That's usually when ummi gives him a "time-out": out of the sight when he did something really wrong, e.g stay in the kitchen or outside the bedroom - just like the "naughty step" thing in parenting OR ummi leaves him with his intolerable behaviour, no more games, no more talking and ummi will go to bed. We'll get him after some time, ask him to give a handshake or actually salam, a hug and a kiss to say sorry. He usually stops crying immediately and we'll pick him up with a hug and kiss in return... the funny thing IS, if he's out of the door, he'll come knocking and crying but still says "Akum" - assalamu'alaikum in his language asking us to open it ... oh, anak ummi! cepat cair hati ummi macam ni :(.

I don't believe that hurting him with too many loud and harsh words will help, and just forget about spanking! Though these days, I think I've been a bit too emotional - I'm in my last stage of pregnancy - I felt so bad having to feel angry when he does things wrongly. May Allah grant me patience to cope, poor fella, he's just a kid that's learning to know the world ...

He's usually funny and really loves joining others' conversation, especially when people burst into laughter, he'll cry "hahaha" though he doesn't understand why. He knows how to make a fake "crying" sound now, just for fun ... and he loves babies so much, he'll tell you there's a baby in sight whenever he came across one, in books, the tele or those he met at home and outside. He's always calling "adik",patting his hands on the tummy and sometimes lovingly leaning his cheek and head on it with a kiss "muahsss..."! Some people say that's his best and special skill: hugs with a long "muah" kissing sound ;)

He's copying, immitating nearly everything! He's good at house chores or shall I say better these days as he has developed such "interest" far earlier. He'll help ummi to sort clothes and load the washing machine. He'll also help to take out the clothes and get them hanged, and spin the inner part of the machine (like ummi always does) before closing the door to make sure every single thing has come out :). Whenever he finds something on the floor that shouldn't be there or if something dropped, he'll say "Allah" and pick it up. He's very kind and keen at helping out anytime; unless he has something more interesting to do :). He'll get things for you whenever you asked for them or whenever you mentioned so. He even tried helping ummi up/out of the bed when ummi's backache troubles her to do so :). And now he knows to complete the prayer, he can do ruku', sujud and the sittings between, pointing out the finger for tahiyyah and also the ending salams; though he might not do everything in every solat of his! ;)

He's good with technology! Give him a computer, a PDA ... anything? He'll delete some files, turned on some music and even get his voice recorded in them! :D He's so observant and he's absorbing everything, just like a sponge! As you know, he loves music and lately whenever abi and ummi sing along (or talk to others sometimes), he'll give that "silence, please" sign - finger on lips - with a shhh! ;)

His always observant and absorbing sponge-like mind has given so many surprises. He might not copy things or pronounce words immediately after you teach him, but he'll popped them out later when you least expect it! Just like a few nights ago when he mentioned "kakak Aziya" (for Azila) a few times before bed! He knows and remembers where you keep things and what's missing from a puzzle or the shape sorter.

He has discovered what's beyond his diapers and he's showing some readiness for potty training. He knows how to tell you when he'll poo but rarely mention if he needs a wee. Watch out if he's squatting undressed (usually after a good wash)! The last time ummi and abi didn't pay attention to that, he left some "gifts" in front of the bathroom and on the bed! Erk ... He'll try to put on/off his own clothes, and brush his own teeth but he doesn't really like brushing them much. He's about to complete his first sets of teeth soon inshaAllah.

He loves to read! He wakes up and goes to sleep with books; err and some biscuits and water too! Is it ok to let him have snacks before bedtime? Now he can read Postman Pat's Big Book of Words showing the blender, kettle, washing machine, toaster etc. whenever you mention them ... he knows the black cat from Hansel and Grettel and the teapot from Beauty and the Beast ... I'm trying to find him a new set of Sirah/Islamic animated book so that he can learn from them as well. Have just taught him alif, ba and ta. He'll reach the whiteboard, pointing the letter "ba" and pronouncing it everytime we sit in the lounge; ummi's teaching area :). Seems like "ba" is more popular than the other two eh?

Is there a child in the UK that knows nothing about Bob the Builder? Even Joode is a big fan of him! That's my lil nephew in Malaysia. We don't have Sky at home but since we bought him a pair of wellies with Bob on them, and a big activity book with Bob and team, plus kakak-kakak showing Bob's series on YouTube, he has turn into another fan, no doubt! He'll ask for Bob - that's the book or the newly bought (by kak Mai) 15-piece Jigsaw puzzle. I think kids just love Bob on his big machines, just like Handzalah love his Dig, Dig, Digging book that's filled with diggers, tractors and rubbish trucks.

Hmm ... in a month plus-time, this little boy will have a baby bro/sis (surprise, surprise!). I don't know how it's going to be then, but I hope Allah we'll ease this journey of parenthood with granting us guidance, knowledge, strentgh and patience to produce little mujahids and caliphs (the wonderful term from bigSis' friend) ...

last but not least: ... and this loving son of mine, knows whenever I feel a bit down. Well he loves giving away cuddles and kisses all the time, but he'll give a long big hug and kiss ... whenever I don't feel fine. Trying to make ummi cry eh? ;) my little heartthrob!

* read about a 21-months old's growth here

I am an Idealist?

hmm ... haven't taken any personality tests for so long, kinda miss them! :)

anyway, dropped by at lieawulf's blog and found her doing this 3Qs Personality Test,
very short yet interesting because I think it is quite true ... in some ways, in certain aspects ...
maybe, and maybe not ;) ... what do you think ... of ME?
hmm, 'ala kulli haal I do think its good to know our own personality especially through certified/authentic tests because they'll help us to know ourselves, through attitudes, strength and weaknesses and let us develop into a better person inshaAllah ... and in this challenging field of da'wah and quest of 'ubudiyyah, knowing oneself might ease the path to reach and touch the hearts of people and to know God ... Allah Knows Best! :)

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

dedikasi buat dua insan teristimewa

tanpa ayah, tanpa ibu

gimana aku menjadi aku?
tanpa ayah, tanpa ibu
gimana kenal cinta dan rindu?
tanpa ayah, tanpa ibu
dunia pasti keliru dan buntu
kerna kasih sayang tanpa syarat
hanya bisa datang dari
yang melahirkan dan membesarkan
tanpa pernah mengungkit penat
tiada pernah mengaku jemu
sentiasa rela, sentiasa mampu
membela dan melayani
setiap satu kerenah dan perilaku!
untuk Mama dan Papa,
terima kasih seluruh jiwaku
moga akhirnya di firdaus al-a'la
hidup dalam pandangan rahmat-Mu selalu!

kew, nov25, '06 - rumah kecil furzedown road.

Alhamdulillah, thank you ALlah for my mother!

note:
It was Mama's birthday on Nov 23rd. I don't have enough words to express my thoughts and feelings about her. I could only hope that Allah shall accept and answer her prayers and mine, and that she'll be blessed and rewarded with every kindness fiddarayn - in the world and the hereafter. This article is dedicated to my beautiful mother, who devoted her life being more than just a mother, and to all mothers especially those who spend their time fully at home for their family and children, regardless of the qualification and ambitions they have, ignoring criticism and the 'popular' perception of the world that undermines them. May Allah bless! (Don't forget to pray for your parents, they deserve more than just that!)

(Luqman:14.) And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

(al-Ahqaf:15.) We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

The Value of Motherhood in Islam

by: Fatima Barkatulla - student and mother of sons, aged three and nine months

*ftm: full-timemothers

A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked him "Oh Messenger of God, who amongst the people is the most deserving of my good company?" The Prophet replied "Your mother." The man then asked who came next and the Prophet said again "Your mother." The man yet again asked who came after, and the Prophet yet again replied, "Your mother." The man asked "Then who else?" Then the Prophet said "Your father."

In this way the Prophet made clear to the Muslims that the position of the mother and the honour and esteem in which she is held is paramount and that she is the most deserving of our good treatment and companionship.

In the Qur'an too we see that after devotion to God, parents are the most deserving of our good behaviour and the role of the mother is specifically recognised and praised. When parents reach old age, they are included in the family and should not be neglected and lonely, just as they looked after us when we were helpless children. In this way the cycle of mutual care between parents and children is sustained.

I myself have felt valued and admired as an ftm in the Muslim community, indeed it's something Muslims respect greatly in a woman, but being born and brought up in the UK, I often felt that full-time-motherhood was not only undervalued but barely mentioned as a dignified and desirable option in the Girls' School I went to. I think the reason that people look at motherhood in such different ways boils down to how they view the roles of men and women in general.

In Islam, women and men are equal in the sight of God, but they are different and consequently have different roles to play…both roles are as important as each other and they complement each other. This is the only way a harmonious society can exist: when men are men and women are women; when we embrace our femininity and our nature and stop fighting against it, yearning to be something we are not.

Muslim women have the right to be fully supported because the responsibility for maintenance is fully on the shoulders of the men. In fact when a Muslim woman gets married, she is given a marriage gift as part of her nuptial contract and is given all the required provisions for her welfare and protection. Any wealth she owns or earns personally is her own and is entirely at her disposal and she doesn't have to contribute to the family funds unless she wants to. When my own husband was made redundant a couple of years ago, I was not expected to go out to work and even when funds were low, we budgeted and were patient with the situation until things got better. In fact if things had gotten really bad, other men from our relatives would have helped out. Being an ftm takes precedence and is seen as essential by both of us, as well as our families.

If a mother wants to work or pursue any useful occupations, she may, after mutual consultation between husband and wife. (I myself am studying at home for my degree through an open-college course). But this is if her sacred role as wife and mother is not neglected. Her role as a mother is seen as indispensable to society because the family is a microcosm of society and without her, the future generation would lack the healthy moral conscience that is needed for the success and stability of the individual and the community at large. Children have a right over us and deserve our attention and care.

Apart from the fact that I love my children and love being with them and guiding and teaching them, I hope that God will reward me in this life and the next for being a devoted mother…and this is the Muslim belief - that every good thing a mother teaches her child, every bit of love and compassion she shows them and every sacrifice she makes for them will be rewarded by God, and her reward will increase and increase if her child passes on what she has taught and will keep increasing as long as the effects of what she instilled in him last in generations to come! What a wonderful image! The effect of what we mothers do is like a pebble falling into a lake and causing a great ripple that influences generations after us!

As for education, then Islam sees educating women as absolutely vital! As an Arab Poet says:

The Mother is a School
If you prepare her properly,
You will prepare an entire people of good character.
The Mother is the first Teacher,
The most important of them,
And the best of them.

Need I say more?

rindu mode: I miss the sevenlords!

we had great fun together
with too many laughters
and loads of tears,
growing up with the best
mom and dad ever,
life has always been for a great goal
to attain His pleasure.

not with dreams too big
but pursuits and ambitions
that let us mature,
didn't they raised us like stars?
never too far to be remembered
always loved and cherished
by each other.

remember the songs and dzikr
we sang in our journeys far and near,
remember the jokes and gossips
we shared in our rides to school
and the university together,
remember those fight we had
over the house chores
and who gets to do lesser,
remember those eat-out-time-out
breakaways and plannings to celebrate
special days for everyone, every year,
remember how we've always been
defensive of mom and dad
and how we've always stood by each other,
remember those conflicts and issues
that we've faced and brought us closer,
remember and remember those days,
those times,
never let them fade
from your memories forever ...

we had great times together before
and may we have them again and always
in the hereafter!



khaleel el-wafy,
Nov 20, 2006
furzedown road, s'oton

Three Tips to Strengthen Your Family

By Khurram Murad.

To deepen the love and to improve communication between members of your family - spouse, children, parents - your should aim to establish the following three activities in your home.

Firstly, perform some of your daily Salat collectively with your family. Prophet Mohammed said that, 'When you have finished your [Fard] Prayer in the mosque, you should offer the rest of your Prayer at home for God will bless your home because of your prayer.' (Muslim)

Secondly, establish an usra or family circle to study the Quran with your family. The Quran alludes to reading of the Quran in families and in home in the following verse:

And remember that which is recited in your houses of the Revelations of God and the Wisdom. [al-Ahzab 33: 34]

You should aim to hold these sessions at least twice weekly, if not more regularly. Remember that the first recipients of the message of the Quran were the members of the prophet Mohammed's household. They were the one he paid most attention to in the early phase of his mission in Makka. So, you also must ensure that you spend adequate 'quality' time in educating and training your family.

Thirdly, develop the habit of having meals with your family. This will also provide a golden opportunity to interact with everyone, discuss family matters and reflect upon issues of the day.

[compiled from "In the Early Hours" by Khurram Murad, pp. 116-117]

memoir tiga tarikh dalam November

Mama,
Abang, Nawwar & Ijlal ...

Selamat Hari LAHIR!

Know that we're thinking of you now,
with much hope and love
cherishing our moments together yesterday,
praying hard for another memory of US tomorrow ...

may ALlah bless you with His forgiveness and pleasure,
guide you in peace and happiness in every step till the hereafter ...

Loving you always,
Rin, Affzan & Handzalah

andai kau masih tak mengerti ...

bila kan kau sedari
masa tak akan menanti
samada dia atau kau sendiri
masing-masing tak mengetahui
entah bila nanti
diseru kembali
nah, masa itulah
kau bakal tercari-cari
apa jawabnya pada
pendirianmu kini ...

kemenangankah?
atau sekadar ego yang kau rai?!

tak siapa hidup selamanya
sedarlah!
meski kau benar
tak perlu meninggi diri
hatta langit masih engkau junjungi
gimana cepat benar kau lupakan
bumbung yang meneduh
dari terik mentari?

dua orang tua akan selalu sabar
dan meyakini
janji Tuhan itu pasti
dan kebaikan buatmu selamanya
hingga ke negeri abadi
memaafkan meski engkau membenci

haruskah sangka-sangka bertitik hitam itu
terus engkau bajai
haruskah terus kau semai subur di dalam hati
mestikah mereka tetap menanti
engkau kembali
menghulur kasih
andai maaf hanya milikmu yang hakiki?

kalau engkau masih punya hati
dan mindamu masih segar berfungsi
ingatlah tiap titik susu ibu
yang mengalir deras memperkasa tubuhmu
ingatkah dua tangan ayah
yang sedia menyambut
tika engkau baru bertatih
melangkah satu, satu
ingatlah dua orang tua itu
yang tak bisa selamanya menunggu
untuk engkau sedari siapa dirimu

meski syurga bukan lagi di telapak kaki ibu
mestikah sebuah ikatan menghancurkan
simpulan yang selama ini mengikatmu
dan engkau berpaut padanya sepenuh jiwamu ?

aku hanya bisa berkata
dan kata-kata hanya akan tinggal
sebagai kata ...
andai kau masih tak mahu
andai kau masih tak tahu
mengarah tapak kakimu
ke teratak itu yang selama ini membesarkanmu ...
andai kau masih tak malu
mengatakan "aku", "aku"
dan menafikan dua orang tuamu ...
hanya tinggal doa mengharapkan
Tuhan, bukalah matamu!

khaleel el-wafy
Nov 11, 2006

selamat hari raya :)

* 'eid sa'eed mubarak

** taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum

*** maaf zahir batin

- lukluk, abuhandzalah + handzalah :) -

handzalah's favourite ;)

I Look I See - YUSUF ISLAM & FRIENDS



little Qari, qurratu 'aini :)

Promo ...

congratulations to my dearest friends whom have set up their businesses online and offline :) subhanallah, how time really does fly high and fast! I can't forget the days we were together at school, thinking and acting like half-matured babies ;) or when we often chat through the YM during the days in the university ... and now, we're parents, businessmen, lawyers, engineers and mashaALlah so many other wonderful things we might not think of during those times :)

I would like to take this chance to promote a few sites belonging to my friend's, still new in the field and in the maket ... if you're a person who loves to help Muslim's economy and Muslim entrepreneurs, feel free to access these pages and have alook at their products :)

Nadie Sakura E-Shop
- various products and services, Malaysian-based, in Malay

Amal Wafa'
- long sleeve tshirts specially made for Muslimahs whom always on the go, Malaysian based, in Malay
- UK residents can place their orders through me

Behawitz
- a member or lelong.com (ala ebay Msia), Malaysian based, in English

fastabiqul khairaat!

busy busy ramadan al kareem!

I can't remember how many times we've had iftar outside and @ home ... thanks to so many good Muslims around and the new students ;) (since they are the reason why most people are hosting iftar for others), I think this time around, Ramadan has really been busy! Busy for bonding, silaturrahm and ukhuwwah acitivities subhanallah ... guess everyone is trying to have their bit done during - it's like racing for khair - and for His pleasure inshaALlah :).

Thinking of the time spent having to be here and there (and of course the other 'waajib' outings for groceries, library, hospital n bla bla bla) there's like so little time spent for other wonderful things in Ramadan - the Qur'an, the sunnah prayers, Qiyam a-lail, dzikr etc. Well, not having the time is one thing, the energy 'left' to do those things when the time is there is also another question ... Not that I would complain about accepting invitations and attending them - as I do realise that it is also a part of a Muslim's duty towards his/her felllow Muslim brothers and sisters ...

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Six are the rights of a Muslim over another Muslim. It was said to him: Allah's Messenger, what are these? Thereupon he said: When you meet him, offer him greetings;when he invites you to a feast accept it. when he seeks your council give him, and when he sneezes and says: "All praise is due to Allah," you say Yarhamuk Allah (may Allah show mercy to you); and when he fails ill visit him; and when he dies follow his bier.

(SahihMuslim)

Strive, strive, strive!

Ramadan has already entered the 2nd phase and that means there's no time left to fool around and sigh! Do not indulge yourself in wishful thinking, just wake up and do those things you need to do ... time and tide waits for NO man ...

dearest self and friends, don't forget to make du'a for all our brothers and sisters out there, at home and everywhere, lets seek His Mercy and strength, and may He reward us with the glorious taqwa and victory against the Kuffar and their allies ... alllahummansur islama wal muslimeen fi anha il-'alam!

don't forget the little sunnahs this ramadan - have a late sahur (well it won't be called sahur eating just before bed) but an early iftar ...

Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Take meal a little before dawn, for there is a blessing in taking meal at that time.
(Sahih Muslim)

'Amr b. al-'As reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The difference between our fasting and that of the people of the Book is eating shortly before dawn.
(Sahih Muslim)

Sahl b. Sa'd (Allah be pleased with him) repotted Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:
The people will continue to prosper as long as they hasten the breaking of the fast.

(Sahih Muslim)

to those in S'oton Uni, ISOC's free iftar is available (still, mashaALlah ;)) @ Stoneham, Mon-Sat and watch out for interesting talks and speakers on their Saturday events (held @ the same venue) ... InshaALlah this week we'll have brother Abdul Rahim Green (I'm not sure what he'll be talking about but I'll guarantee that it'll be wonderful and beneficial! See you there inshaALlah :)

2:148. To each is a goal to which Allah turns him; then strive together (as in a race) Towards all that is good. Wheresoever ye are, Allah will bring you Together. For Allah Hath power over all things.

* ahadith from the book of Salam and Fasting, Sahih Muslim.

because I promise you ...

there are times 'sayang',
when ummi won't be able to be there for you,
to talk or play with you,
to wipe your tears
nor end your fears ...

there might be times
ummi just won't be able to be here for you,
not that I don't want to, though I hope I'll always be able to ...
this is the truth, it hurts to admit, but simply true,
though my heart will always long for you,
and forever always I shall love you ...

because ummi is just like 'little' you,
needy and dependent in a lot of ways too,
I might fell sick or there's just other chores to do,
though always and always,
I'll try to give my best to you,
and for you ...

love is, little sweetheart,
mostly felt by the heart,
not always seen, heard or touched ...
know that my love will always remain in your memory,
though my cuddles and kisses are absent
from your senses to perceive ...



but don't worry little darling,
as I promise you,
Allah ar-Rahman ar-Raheem will
always be there for you,
He doesn't need any sleep,
nor will He be too busy for you,
He'll never fell ill,
or forget to care for you ...

He exists and lives forever too,
He's always watchful of everything you do,
to keep you safe and healthy too,
He's the best to rely on,
won't ever let you down,
so don't worry little sweetheart,
because I promise you,
He'll keep you company though the world stays busy,
He'll cure your sickness and makes you feel happy,
He even understands you better than me,
He'll help you go through the days,
with or without me ...

Handzalah 'sayang' don't you ever worry,
ALlah al-Wadud is indeed the best company!


ummi sayang kamu,
khaleel el-wafy
5 ramadan 1427H/27 sept 06

Google Adsense ... why?

assalamu'alaikum friends,

you might have noticed the google ads and search tool newly added on the blog and you might be thinking why?

1stly, I would like to optimize my blog's usage - turning it into a beneficial search engine and research tool for myself, just like why I've put on the Qur'an phonetical searchbox on the left-hand side.

2ndly, Google Adsense program helps you to find targeted ads, or relevant to your subject/discussion/category and stop other no nonsense clicks from coming in. Well, having ads is a choice in blogger.com, and I choose to have them because it is helpful in a lot of ways.

3rdly, everyone who visits this blog can click on 'em and enjoy the same benefits. To those who own a blog might find it helpful to switched them on to.

4th, blogs or sites can monetized from this program through non-fraud ad clicks ;) ... as for me, for the meantime it is just a helpful tool ... I don't thin I'll ever get any profit from this ... huhu ... can you? YES, some people does but that might only apply to very popular blogs with consistent updates and useful informative contents ... and erm, me? I'm too far behind ...

so to anyone who thinks those ads or search tool are helpful, you're welcome to benefit from them too ... otherwise, you need not to help by clicking what's not 'clicking' your views ;) ...

dunia ini fana',
lukluk :)

cermin safar. ini ...

semalam,
aku tiba di daerah ini
dengan hati yang faqir
dan faham yang kerdil

dan semalam,
aku tiba dalam silang hangat siang
juga dinginnya angin malam
lewat persinggahan musim luruh
mengirim gemilang semusim bahang pulang

hati dan mindaku luas terbuka
belum ada yang menghinggapi keduanya
perjalanan ini masih terlalu muda!

ada sedikit duka tersisip di hujung hati
mengingatkan yang ditinggalkan
untuk hadir ke mari
namun hati masih besar dengan syukur
kerana musafir ini
seribu pengorbanan
seribu erti
bukan jauh jarak berenak-enak santai bercuti
bukan untuk melarikan diri
amanah yang udah lama terpundak
hanya kian memberat ...
gimana bisa dilupai?

dan hari ini,
meski sudah ribuan konklusi
jua persepsi yang datang dan pergi
perjalanan masih belum tamat
malah masih banyak berbaki
permusafiran ini yang udah terasa penatnya
baru saja menghadiahkan senyum gembira
untuk aku syukuri sentiasa

jalan ini yang aku pilih
takdir yang dianugerahkanNya
sedang membuahkan kemanisan
yang belum aku temui taranya
benarlah kata-kata
"Erti Hidup pada Memberi"
meski aku tak punya
lebih dari sekeping hati dan dua tangan ini
untuk memohon rahmatNya
barakah dan petunjuk sentiasa

aku masih mencariNya ...
di daerah ini,
di mana-mana aku berada
hidup ...
usah penuh keluh
dan 'dzan' yang seburuk-buruknya
Dia lebih baik dari kebaikan
yang mampu engkau fikirkannya
dan aku yang sepertimu hanya mampu
terus melangkah
menghadap rintang berliku
mengelak onak dan duri
mengejar cita dalam sempitnya waktu

namun susah pasti ada senangnya,
dan liku-liku kan dilalui dengan kelapangan jiwa
meski sabar dan tawadhu' tak bisa memadam cerca
dan mata-mata serong yang berlidah nista
hanya dunia yang menipu
namun Dia tetap benar dengan janjiNya

dan demi Dia yang bersumpah dengan masa
aku tinggalkanmu dan kecintaanmu kepada dunia
hanya sedikit ini bekalanku moga-moga,
kuntum du'a masih mengharap hidayah Yang Esa
Tuhan jangan tinggal aku sendiri,
walau sekerdip mata atau yang lebih pendek darinya ...

selimutilah aku dengan Taqwa padaMu
agar aku tak keliru dan panjang asaku
moga sisa masa masih ada buatku
menemukan redhaMu dalam nafas akhir fanaku ...

*terimalah ya ALlah!

khaleel el-wafy
4 ramadan 1427H/26 Sept 2006

talk-about-babies [part 4]

For those who has been wondering what Handzalah's up to right now - erm he's still in deep sleep :) (its 8 a.m). He's very active - day and night - running and jumping around, he'll say "jump, jump" everytime he plays the jump-jump game :). He calls out ummi (out loud ;)) whenever he needs anything or fell down, he can say "abi" clearly but he's been calling abi the same way he calls ummi lately (I don't know why :D) and his favorite words are "ALlah", "ummi" (truly, he'll be saying ummi again and again though he doesnt needs me), "ayam" (he likes chicken?), "plum", and he can pronounce names like "Amir" and "Mayam" - thats Maryam :). Says "nak" when he wants something, "air" when he needs water/a drink and "dah" when he finishes his meal and shows his hands - that means he needs to clean them NOW :)

He loves listening to music - anasheed from Shoutul Harakah, Shoutul 'Amal and Harris Shaffix's Keimanan song. He'll ask for those, pointing to the laptop and saying "gu" - that's for lagu. And how do we know he loves those songs? Because he will be asking for repeats and whenever we turn to any other than those he'll be upset and asking for them again - with more signs than words of course :). Err and he seems to love moving/shaking his body to the beat - ouch ouch :D.

He's sleeping (alhamdulillah - thats a great blessing!) and eating well after weaning totally off breastmilk a few months ago - thanks to the help of my parents and lil bro Zak - and he now loves drinking from "real" cups rather than the training ones :). He has been able to feed himself with hands or using spoon - we've trained him to do so since he was eight or nine months. *To those moms out there - you can help to coordinate their eyes+hands' movement through this mealtime practice. Find them a booster seat or a highchair and trust them with food in the bowl, hand or fork and spoon (plastic ones). And DONT WORRY TOO MUCH about the mess they'll make. Your child's EDUCATION and DEVELOPMENT are MORE IMPORTANT than your house being tip top clean all the time RIGHT? It's great to feed them with your hands once in a while, but not all the time if we want them to learn these living skills from young. You might find a big, washable plastic bip that covers the body with a bit of shoulders helpful and putting a plastic mat/cover on the floor, under the chair, if it helps to reduce you messy worries :).

He loves to read especially books illustrated with animals and machines (I guess that's why Bob the Builder is so popular among kids) and he loves helping ummi to clean the house - dengan penyapu dan kain lap - other than his favourite toys - the washing machine (he knows how to load and unload the clothes and pushing the button "on") and Mr. Hoover a.k.a the vacuum cleaner :).

He prays everytime ummi or abi prays (or anyone else around), saying "ALlah, ALlah" (the L sounds a bit like a W) all the time. Standing and doing the ruku'-sujud mix and the tahiyyah sitting. And the funny part is, he'll point out the index finger/forefinger from both hands uttering "ALlah, ALlah" again and again ;) (if you don't - of course we don't - he'll find your other forefinger and pull it up, erk!). He has recently discovered giving salam to the right and lately being voluntary to offer prayers holding both hands up and uttering a whisper like prayer (whatever it is) :). He will never let ummi and abi read a book or use the laptop alone without his company :) - though he'll "read" the book upside down and simply clicks the mouse or shut the computer down (using the start button).

He's a bit clingy now, maybe because he knows the little one's coming and the fear of separation has starting to develop since having his first few - short though - experience in the nursery when ummi and abi attended a parenting motivation seminar recently. And maybe because he misses the days when Atuk, Opah and Uncle Zak were around - he's always entertained and well looked after mashaAllah - ummi and abi are trying to do the same sayang :). He's teething then and again but he hasn't filled his jaws yet. 'Ala kuli haal he's growing and developing fine alhamdulillah and subhanallah so fast. He' a real heartthrob, he waves a hi and bye to everyone who passes, EVERYONE and especially guests going out the door. He'll offer a salam and kiss on the hand when you ask him to do so with a sweet "Muah" and "Bye" at the end. Most of all, he's simply ummi's kind little company though sometimes ummi does not know how to keep him entertain and busy when ummi has other chores to complete.

sharing some tips from the parenting motivation seminar - how to develop an Islamic Worldview in your child :
- teach them to 1) LOVE ALLAH
2) LOVE RASULULLAH
3) LOVE AL-QUR'AN

- create an environment that'll expose them and instil love to these three thing
- educate them about their importance
- ESPECIALLY FOR US WHO LIVES IN THE WEST: always care to explain why we are different (ghuraba') from the disbelievers, why we don't or do things ... we ourselves should be an exemplary figure that appreciates our culture and way of life not the lifestyle loved and portrayed by the WEST - don't teach them to be proud of being a British BUT a MUSLIM!

hope we'll benefit from this great info, simply said but it is indeed another quest or struggle (I've been using these words too often?) ... 'ala kulli haal, enjoy parenthood and the blessings of having those beautiful little people friends! :)

moga anak ummi dan abi jadi anak yang soleh dengan akhlaq terpuji!

ahlan ya ramadhan!

Keyfa haalukum jamee'an?

How time flies ... and ramadhan is here again! Walhamdulillah :). Muslims in soton are welcoming the first day of ramadhan today (23rd Sept, 2006) ... erm so everyone out there - sotonians - don't forget that there'll be no breakfast and lunch today but the best meal ever inshaAllah during IFTAR :)

* From Abu Hurairah r.anhu, Rasulullah s.a.w said: [Allah Taala rewards one who fasts with TWO happiness, ONE: when he breaks his fast and ANOTHER: when he meets his Creator in the hereafter. Sahih Muslim]

Ramadhan is a path towards attaining and improving our taqwa, not through mere fasting and praying rituals but through the essence which lies beneath the act of fasting and the unique blessings of ramadhan itself.

* 2: 183 "O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint,-"

The goal of fasting or shall we say the end result we're striving for in the Quest of Ramadhan is self-restraint or Taqwa (which I believe means a lot more than simply self-restraint) has been mentioned clearly by the Almighty, yet attaining what Taqwa really means and enduring its challenges are not as easy as it may seem.

Physical fasting alone might benefit us in many ways as explained by various medical research, but abstaining oneself from the evil within us and the temptations outwards to do things which might be unnecessary - wasteful - lagha, or bad - disobedient - munkar, and increasing our love, devotion and awareness of the Greatest Lord (Allahuakbar), in every step we make, and every breath we take means having a lot (thats A LOTTTT!) of patience and effort to do good and to reject its opposites, and perseverance to be steadfast on our daily pursuit of attaining Taqwa and His pleasure InshaAllah.

Hmm ... this Ramadhan means a lot to me. I hope I can complete the fasting month by fasting because I was not able to have a full 30 days of Ramadhan last time (during my 1st pregnancy). The doctor said I can't no longer fast when Ramadhan was about to end in a week's time then. But InshaAllah (please make du'a for me friends), I hope Allah will bless me with good health and ease my quest to fulfil my little struggle which is still far from enough for this Taqwa journey.

To my family and friends all over the world :), I've been a bit (or was it SOOO) busy lately and blogger went 'kong' for sometime, therefore I had to leave the blog 'unattended' and unupdated. Nonetheless, I hope to be able to put up some informative articles and to let my little mind and heart express their thoughts from time to time so that we can share some good things on the net inshaAllah. Sharing knowledge (at least) is a bit of da'wah everyone can try doing right?

Welcoming any informative/educational emails on any subject from my dearest friends, but NO GOSSIPS or NONSENSE pleaseee ! (and of course, enough of Siti and Datuk K's matter filling my inbox :( - I beg you!)

until this pen writes again, may Allah bless us all with patience, strength and wisdom to endure this quest, to understand why we're here today(in ad-dunyaa) and how we should walk through this worldly life to the path of the everlasting aakhirah ... forgive me for all my wrongdoings and please don't forget us in your du'as, ramadhan kareem mubarak!

Allah Knows Best and we know NOT!

Parenting Skills [2]

continuation ...

Subject: a*i*d*a : parenting skills (vol 1)

Asm wbt,

Those who follow the last email might remember the first step of successful parenting is playing with your child. 2nd layer of parenting pyramid is PRAISE your child. One of the method to encourage good behaviours. Parents often use praise only for extraordinary good behaviours or excellent academic performance. We rarely praise them for playing quietly or going to bed on time. Research indicates lack of attention and praise to good behaviours can lead to inappropriate/misbehaviour. Some parents also mistakenly give praise selectively eg only when they satisfied with the finish result, instead of praising their child on small steps towards that final results/good behaviour.

Praise can be in the form of words, smile, hugs or even a pat on the back. Freely available, so use them.

How to praise more effectively?

1. Be specific

When praising, be specific and mention the good behaviour in your praise. Praise like 'good boy', 'good girl' is too general and not helping in encouraging good behaviour in your child. Labelled praise like 'Good boy, for playing nicely with your sister' or 'Thank you hanan for eating your meal at the table' is more effective in telling your child, what behaviour is good. By doing this you encourage them to continue the behaviour.

2. Show enthusiasm

praise with good tone of voice, smile and eye contact. the praise should be stated with care and sincerity.

3. Avoid combining praise and negative critics/punishers

some parents give praise and without realising it, they contadict it. Basically they praise the child and being sarcastic at the same time. For eg. 'I like when you eating your breakfast , but next time can you do it on time so that we wont be late for school', 'Good boy for doing your bed, but why cant you do it every moring?' These kind of praise will remind the children that they are not good enough and indirectly highlight the negative behaviour itself.

4. Praise immediately

effective praise is when you praise the child within 5 secs of the positive behaviour starts. This means if you want to encourage new behaviour, you should watch the first step ie holding the toy to put it in the box after playing, try to put on their shirt etc. dont wait till the room is clear from toys or they manage to get dress from head to toe. Just praise them immeditaley, this will motivate them to try harder to complete the task, just give them time.

Simple tips ...

Write down what good behaviour that you want to develop in your child, and work on them.

Starts with the simplest one eg putting shoes at shoe rack, hanging coat properly or even sitting down for meal.

Do praise them in front of other people/family members.

Hopefully this will benefit all of you out there.

Parenting Skills [1]

a nice email sent to me contains this ...

Subject: a*i*d*a : parenting skills (vol 1)

Asm wbt,

For those needing some tips and help in handling your kids, you might find these guidelines useful. These trouble-shooting is specifically design for 3-8yrs old childrens. As this can be a difficult time for both parents and children. The social and emotional development of children during these period is incredible, so enjoy every step of the growth by believing yourself, learning from your mistakes and imperfection, getting support from others and most importantly having fun with your kids.

Foundation For Successful Parenting

1. Play with your child

Why? Bcoz play benefits your child in many ways, being creative, build up confidence, learn how to relate with others, express themselves etc.

Widespread mistake in any society..play is unproductive, a waste of time. "she's only playing", "stop playing around". With all these academic and social expectation, children missing their prime time to develop through play. And on top of that adult's intervention is needed to stimulate these developments. Through play you can help your child to solve problem, test out ideas and build a warm relationship between you and him/her.

How to play?

a) use a toy/game that suitable with their age but let them choose

b) follow your child lead : meaning DONT INSTRUCT,DONT CRITISE, DONT ASK ANY QUESTION. Bear these in mind when play with your child, your will be suprise how difficult it is to keep these rules and sitting next to him/her. the idea is to let them use their instict, imagination rather than imposing your own. if they want to put an elephant on top of a block of tower, put draw a horse on sky..let them, it is just a play. this approach will also encourage them to think independently.

c) Pace the play to suit your child :your will find that most children like repetitive activity, thus they might choose the same toy/activity again and again. these is part of them, they like routine things. let them play according to their tempo, dont push them just bcoz you're bored. remember, childrens minds moves slowly from one idea to another compared to adults. so let them take their own time to take another step, these will help to expand their attention span and encourage them to concentrate on one activity for a period of time.

d) praise your child's ideas n creativity : play does not have to make sense to you. a horse can fly, or a truck can talk and swim..just praise them correctly. eg 'wow that is clever the green truck can swim'.' how exciting, you painted your elephant yellow'. Praise secifically so that your child know what is it that you're praising. by doing this you encourage him/her to continue being creative.

e) be an appreciative audience : some parents getting too involved and ignore their children or end up take over the play. When play with your child, focus on them, not getting too involved on what you are doing. give them praise or applaud.

f) use descriptive commenting : perents accasionally ask so many question when they engage with play "what animal is this?" why do you colour the tree?" etc. some of us believe that's the only way to show some interest with the play. why not try the descriptive commenting technique. it is where you doing a running commentary of what your child's activity during play. in simple words decribe waht you see. eg. "very good, now you putting the blue block on top of the red" and so forth. by doing this you teach them the colour,activity/vocab and at the same time not interfering the play. you might found it uncomfortable at first, but if doing it persistently you will find that you child enjoy the attention you give them.

Be prepared for times when your child plays inappropriately or misbehave, if the behavior can be ignore ie not desruptive/dangerous just turn your face away and once they behave apparopriately turn back to them and continue play with them. by doing these you indirectly telling them that they can only get the attention if they play nicely. if on the other hand they starting to play dangerously eg throwing toys to you you can stop the play by saying "when you throw the block, we have to stop playing".

and remember to give some idea to your child about stopping the play. about 5 minutes before ending the play you can say "ok, in afew minutes I will stop playing with you, I really enjoy palying,we will continue the play tomorrow/etc". Distract your child on something else. Walk away and ignore any plead (if any). Just spend 10mins/day to play with them. they will know their limit if you show that you already give 10mins full concentartion to them and they cant manipulate you. Once they learn this, the protest will becoming less.

Do try and remember enjoy your time with them..

to be continued...insyaAllah

I can't sleep

my eyes are closely shut
but my heart is far from leap
it cries, it laughs, it weeps
and my mind goes deep
into thoughts ...

my body is tired
but I can't feel weak
when my heart is yearning,
in hunger and in need,
of moving reminders,
sweet soul breathers,
loving touch and kind gestures,
from people who loves God
and strives for His pleasure!

and such moments are the sweetest memories ...

khaleel el-wafy @2:am sept 12, 2006

Building Self-Esteem in Your Child

http://www.tuanguru.net

One of the most important things that parents can do for their children is to help them develop high self-esteem and a positive self image. Self-esteem is an evaluation of the information contained in a person's self-concept. Self-concept is the combination of terms that a person uses to describe him/herself. Self-esteem is important because it is seen as a central factor in positive social and emotional adjustment. Children with high self-esteem are capable of making good decisions, are proud of their accomplishments, and are willing to take responsibility and ready to cope with frustration. Also, they are more socially competent, they perform better in school, and are more likely to avoid future serious problems such as school dropout and drug use.

Parents and the family environment obviously play a critical role in the development of high self-esteem. When children feel that they are listened to, taken seriously, and genuinely cared for, their self-esteem is high. Here are a few suggestions that can improve your child's self-esteem.


1) Nurture the Special Gifts from Allah.

Each child is born in a natural state of submission to Allah (fitrah) and along with this comes a unique personality, temperament, skills, abilities, and special gifts from Allah. These gifts are given to a child for a purpose, and they should be nurtured and allowed to develop to their fullest capacity. Parents play an important role in this area, in that they first need to determine what those gifts are, and then find ways to enhance them. This task will become easier as the child develops, but certain elements are already apparent at an early age. Academics, hobbies, organizations, sports, and other special interests are all means that these special gifts can be nurtured. This point is especially emphasized for girls who are often ignored in this regard. If a child's natural abilities are not allowed to grow, this will have obvious implications for self-esteem. If a child is forced into an area in which there is no interest or ability, he or she will be more likely
to have low-esteem, and will probably not live up to the expectations of his/her parents.


2) Communicate With Your Child.

An amazing statistic is that the average American child spends 1680 minutes per week in front of a machine (TV) and only 38.5 minutes in a meaningful conversation with his/her parents. No wonder children lack social skills and families have so many problems. It is very important that parents communicate with their children EVERY DAY, not only for self-esteem enhancement, but for many other reasons. The most critical element for effective communication is listening (really listen). This means giving your child undivided attention, putting aside your feelings and opinions for a moment, and trying to understand those of your child. His ideas, emotions, and feelings should be taken seriously. A parent should show the child that what they do is important and talk with them about their activities and interests. It will obviously be necessary to express values and beliefs, but this should be done in a calm manner and be accompanied with a rationale. Problems should be discussed without placing blame or commenting on a child's character. If children know that there is a problem but don't feel attacked, they are more likely to help find a solution.


3) Foster Responsibility and lndependence.

Ultimately our children will need to make decisions on their own and be accountable to Allah for their own actions. An important component of a healthy self-esteem and sound decision-making is the opportunity to learn and develop these skills. Parents should help their children learn these decision-making and problem-solving skills and encourage the children to use them on a regular basis. These skills can be fostered by giving children responsibilities and gradually allowing them more freedom and control over their lives, especially as they get closer to adulthood. The responsibilities should be reasonable depending on the age of the child and the parent should give support when needed. Children who are given these opportunities will feel useful, valued, and competent. This will also increase the level of trust between parent and child which is a critical element in any relationship.


4) Love Your Child Abundantly.
This means showing, how much you care and telling your child that you love him/her on a regular basis. It also means spending time with your child whenever possible; playing games, talking, sharing favorite activities, taking a walk, praying and reading Qur'an. The list is endless. When parents talk with a child, they should use phrases that build self-esteem such as "Thank you for helping," "That was an excellent idea!," "You are terrific!," "What a nice job!," "Masha' Allah." Praise, recognition, special privileges, or increased responsibility may be given for accomplishments and successes. Physical contact is very important such as pats on the back, hugs, strokes, kisses. A sense of humor also goes a long way in dealing with many situations and for strengthening the parent-child relationship. We should remind ourselves that Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, was always kind, respectful, and affectionate toward children.

These are just a few of the ways that parents can develop and improve the self esteem of their children. Once a child has acquired a positive feeling about him/herself, this will filter over into other areas of life and the child will become more successful, competent and self-confident. High self-esteem not only has positive implications for the child but also for the family as it shares, grows, and strengthens. This will make the bonds of the family strong and create a beautiful environment for parents and children which is part of the overall plan that Allah has set for the family unit.

Source : Internet,By Dr. Aisha Hamdan

yesterday and today, notes to remember ...

* untuk kak ida @moi, andainya ukhti menjengah saya ... asifah, moga segera dapat kembali berhubung!
---
selalu aku tahu, ingat dan mengerti ... kata-kata alBanna yg bak lafaz wajib semua yg mengenal mujahid besar alIkhwan alMuslimun ini ... "Kewajipan lebih banyak daripada masa yang ada!"

tapi ... aku masih boleh lena dalam tidur yang panjang!

bila arRasul disapa Jibril dengan wahyu pertama, dan dia kembali mendapatkan Khadijah dan menyelimuti seluruh tubuhnya ... didn't ALlah revealed to Him al-Muddaththir?

‘O you (Muhammad [pbuh]) enveloped (in garments)! Arise and warn! And your Lord (Allah) magnify! And your garments purify! And keep away from Ar-Rujz (the idols)!’

[Al-Qur'an 74:1-5]

hmmmppppppppppppppppppppppppppp! and people 'need'ed time for themselves, oh why?

sekadar coretan hari itu, mungkin salah, mungkin benar, ALlah Knows Best and ye know NOT!

----

bahagianya menjadi isteri, dan betapa indahnya kehidupan seorang ibu ...

hanya Tuhan yang tahu!

tapi terkadang, tercuit rasa hati ... memikirkan betapa dan betapa sedikitnya masa untuk diri sendiri. bak kata orang bujang - "they need time for themselves".

mungkin aku sinis, tapi kata seperti itu buat hati berdetik nakal, dan senyum sendiri ;).

membaca kurang. berfikir bila ada kesempatan. bersosial hanya bila online? atau ada yg rajin ziarah ke teratak teman. entahlah, dalam bilik air pun sentiasa bergegas. bimbang lama2 si kecil main sorang2, kalau tak pun awal2 lagi menangis ummi dah 'hilang'. setiap hari bangun tidur, menguruskan suami dan si kecil, masak, membasuh, mengemas bla bla bla bla sampai tidur waktu malam. most of my time - spent with my little child, husband and doing the house chores ...

erm sekejap, si kecil baru balik. anak-anak dara yg rajin tadi singgah sebelum ke kedai dan minta bawa si kecil bersama. aku ok saja. abi pun kata tak apa. si kecil ikut kakak-kakak, abi ke pejabat pula. ummi?

ummi sendiri. bermenung... bila handzalah tak ada ummi pun tak tahu nak buat apa. ummi nak lipat kain, nak gosok baju, nak kemas rumah ... nak, nak, nak tapi semangat tiada. ummi rasa sunyi seluruh jiwa, buah hati ummi kedua-duanya tiada. alahai, baru sekejap saja, ummi sudah serba tak kena!

masa yang ummi harap ada untuk segala kesempatan yg tiada, sudah tiba, tapi tak terasa inginkan apa-apa bila anak ummi dan si dia tak bersama-sama. macamana agaknya hidup untuk diri sendiri? apa ertinya masa untuk sendiri saja? entahlah, diri pun tak mengerti mungkin kerana sedari kecil terdidik untuk hidup bersama dan kerana semua ... dan sebab hidup ini asal dan akhirnya kerana Dia, berkhidmat semampu ada pastilah tujuan kita ...

erm, mungkin sedikit yg aku perlu adalah kekuatan (semangat dari mereka) dan kesanggupan untuk mengorbankan waktu rehat dan lena, untuk kembali mencari ilmu dan mengasah minda malah melaksanakan tuntutan-tuntutan hidup yg lain selain yg termetri dalam rumahtangga ... aku tak perlu masa sendiri saja, malah aku tak inginkannya!

syukurlah andai suami memahami dan meringankan berat beban di bahu kita ... syukurlah dengan anak-anak yg sinar mata mereka menyuluh harap dan ceria di jiwa ...

lukluk menulis akhirnya,
1749pm, 19/5/06

the bitter truth

It has been so long
since the last time
I've talked to you

I miss the moments
to simply tell you things
and ask for your views

my heart is yearning,
longing to please you
my mind is complaining
that I've been neglecting you
I knew, and I knew ...
yet so little time have I spent
to seek and remember you ...

this emptiness that fills my soul
is not anything new
the reasons and the causes
I've long understood and knew
yet every day
and in every way
I'll lose you
to my wordly likings
to my worldly views
and my struggling nafs
that fails ...
to submit to your will
to surrender to the ultimate truth

how could I love
yet seldom care
for the Most Loving and Oft Forgiving YOU?!

* oh ALlah, don't leave to myself
I shall go astray ...
oh ALlah, don't leave me to myself
I shall fade away ... *

khaleel el-wafy
feb 2006, lot7

a note on the 'bitter' truth about knowledge and intelligence (not wisdom) ... we seek and acquire, but do we put them into practice? adakah ilmu dan bijak akal memberikan kita lebih daya manipulasi untuk mengadakan alasan-alasan dalam hidup ini ... adakah kita benar-benar lupa akan seru-seruNya atau sengaja melupakan apa yang tidak enak pada nafsu dan rasa?

adakah ...