Parenting Skills [2]

continuation ...

Subject: a*i*d*a : parenting skills (vol 1)

Asm wbt,

Those who follow the last email might remember the first step of successful parenting is playing with your child. 2nd layer of parenting pyramid is PRAISE your child. One of the method to encourage good behaviours. Parents often use praise only for extraordinary good behaviours or excellent academic performance. We rarely praise them for playing quietly or going to bed on time. Research indicates lack of attention and praise to good behaviours can lead to inappropriate/misbehaviour. Some parents also mistakenly give praise selectively eg only when they satisfied with the finish result, instead of praising their child on small steps towards that final results/good behaviour.

Praise can be in the form of words, smile, hugs or even a pat on the back. Freely available, so use them.

How to praise more effectively?

1. Be specific

When praising, be specific and mention the good behaviour in your praise. Praise like 'good boy', 'good girl' is too general and not helping in encouraging good behaviour in your child. Labelled praise like 'Good boy, for playing nicely with your sister' or 'Thank you hanan for eating your meal at the table' is more effective in telling your child, what behaviour is good. By doing this you encourage them to continue the behaviour.

2. Show enthusiasm

praise with good tone of voice, smile and eye contact. the praise should be stated with care and sincerity.

3. Avoid combining praise and negative critics/punishers

some parents give praise and without realising it, they contadict it. Basically they praise the child and being sarcastic at the same time. For eg. 'I like when you eating your breakfast , but next time can you do it on time so that we wont be late for school', 'Good boy for doing your bed, but why cant you do it every moring?' These kind of praise will remind the children that they are not good enough and indirectly highlight the negative behaviour itself.

4. Praise immediately

effective praise is when you praise the child within 5 secs of the positive behaviour starts. This means if you want to encourage new behaviour, you should watch the first step ie holding the toy to put it in the box after playing, try to put on their shirt etc. dont wait till the room is clear from toys or they manage to get dress from head to toe. Just praise them immeditaley, this will motivate them to try harder to complete the task, just give them time.

Simple tips ...

Write down what good behaviour that you want to develop in your child, and work on them.

Starts with the simplest one eg putting shoes at shoe rack, hanging coat properly or even sitting down for meal.

Do praise them in front of other people/family members.

Hopefully this will benefit all of you out there.