the bitter truth

It has been so long
since the last time
I've talked to you

I miss the moments
to simply tell you things
and ask for your views

my heart is yearning,
longing to please you
my mind is complaining
that I've been neglecting you
I knew, and I knew ...
yet so little time have I spent
to seek and remember you ...

this emptiness that fills my soul
is not anything new
the reasons and the causes
I've long understood and knew
yet every day
and in every way
I'll lose you
to my wordly likings
to my worldly views
and my struggling nafs
that fails ...
to submit to your will
to surrender to the ultimate truth

how could I love
yet seldom care
for the Most Loving and Oft Forgiving YOU?!

* oh ALlah, don't leave to myself
I shall go astray ...
oh ALlah, don't leave me to myself
I shall fade away ... *

khaleel el-wafy
feb 2006, lot7

a note on the 'bitter' truth about knowledge and intelligence (not wisdom) ... we seek and acquire, but do we put them into practice? adakah ilmu dan bijak akal memberikan kita lebih daya manipulasi untuk mengadakan alasan-alasan dalam hidup ini ... adakah kita benar-benar lupa akan seru-seruNya atau sengaja melupakan apa yang tidak enak pada nafsu dan rasa?

adakah ...