Parenting Skills [1]

a nice email sent to me contains this ...

Subject: a*i*d*a : parenting skills (vol 1)

Asm wbt,

For those needing some tips and help in handling your kids, you might find these guidelines useful. These trouble-shooting is specifically design for 3-8yrs old childrens. As this can be a difficult time for both parents and children. The social and emotional development of children during these period is incredible, so enjoy every step of the growth by believing yourself, learning from your mistakes and imperfection, getting support from others and most importantly having fun with your kids.

Foundation For Successful Parenting

1. Play with your child

Why? Bcoz play benefits your child in many ways, being creative, build up confidence, learn how to relate with others, express themselves etc.

Widespread mistake in any society..play is unproductive, a waste of time. "she's only playing", "stop playing around". With all these academic and social expectation, children missing their prime time to develop through play. And on top of that adult's intervention is needed to stimulate these developments. Through play you can help your child to solve problem, test out ideas and build a warm relationship between you and him/her.

How to play?

a) use a toy/game that suitable with their age but let them choose

b) follow your child lead : meaning DONT INSTRUCT,DONT CRITISE, DONT ASK ANY QUESTION. Bear these in mind when play with your child, your will be suprise how difficult it is to keep these rules and sitting next to him/her. the idea is to let them use their instict, imagination rather than imposing your own. if they want to put an elephant on top of a block of tower, put draw a horse on sky..let them, it is just a play. this approach will also encourage them to think independently.

c) Pace the play to suit your child :your will find that most children like repetitive activity, thus they might choose the same toy/activity again and again. these is part of them, they like routine things. let them play according to their tempo, dont push them just bcoz you're bored. remember, childrens minds moves slowly from one idea to another compared to adults. so let them take their own time to take another step, these will help to expand their attention span and encourage them to concentrate on one activity for a period of time.

d) praise your child's ideas n creativity : play does not have to make sense to you. a horse can fly, or a truck can talk and swim..just praise them correctly. eg 'wow that is clever the green truck can swim'.' how exciting, you painted your elephant yellow'. Praise secifically so that your child know what is it that you're praising. by doing this you encourage him/her to continue being creative.

e) be an appreciative audience : some parents getting too involved and ignore their children or end up take over the play. When play with your child, focus on them, not getting too involved on what you are doing. give them praise or applaud.

f) use descriptive commenting : perents accasionally ask so many question when they engage with play "what animal is this?" why do you colour the tree?" etc. some of us believe that's the only way to show some interest with the play. why not try the descriptive commenting technique. it is where you doing a running commentary of what your child's activity during play. in simple words decribe waht you see. eg. "very good, now you putting the blue block on top of the red" and so forth. by doing this you teach them the colour,activity/vocab and at the same time not interfering the play. you might found it uncomfortable at first, but if doing it persistently you will find that you child enjoy the attention you give them.

Be prepared for times when your child plays inappropriately or misbehave, if the behavior can be ignore ie not desruptive/dangerous just turn your face away and once they behave apparopriately turn back to them and continue play with them. by doing these you indirectly telling them that they can only get the attention if they play nicely. if on the other hand they starting to play dangerously eg throwing toys to you you can stop the play by saying "when you throw the block, we have to stop playing".

and remember to give some idea to your child about stopping the play. about 5 minutes before ending the play you can say "ok, in afew minutes I will stop playing with you, I really enjoy palying,we will continue the play tomorrow/etc". Distract your child on something else. Walk away and ignore any plead (if any). Just spend 10mins/day to play with them. they will know their limit if you show that you already give 10mins full concentartion to them and they cant manipulate you. Once they learn this, the protest will becoming less.

Do try and remember enjoy your time with them..

to be continued...insyaAllah