tetamu nan teristimewa!

I've been waiting to write this entry, but, thinking that having a pic with it will be absolutely better than just words to describe has resulted the delay. 'Ala kulli haal, can't wait, no more ... I don't want to forget and I don't want to procrastinate, not only the little time I have left but also the precious memories that I've had!

Did I tell you (my dear friends), I've had a few special guests last year? My 6th sibling, Ijlal a.k.a UI came just before the beginning of winter, and later on my beloved parents and youngest bro Zak during the summer ... they were like angels sent to lift up my spirit, offering a helping hand. All three of us were delighted with their stay, Alhamdulillah and MashaALlah. We haven't left Malaysia that long yet are blessed with the chance to go home when Abah was terribly sick and having family around before and after our journey back home to look after Abah whom was hospitalised for more than a month ...

But that was at the end of 2005 till 2006. This year began with another blessing. My favourite mu'allim, a very close family friend and our all time murabbi was invited for a winter program by a Malaysian groups of students here in the UK. I was informed about his coming by KakLong, but I can't seem to find a way to get his contact number even until the very day he came. I even asked my family back home to contact him in advance so that i can see him when he arrives, but ALlah Knows Best it was just not meant to be. A friend reminded me about a schoolmate somewhere here in the UK, telling me that he might be seeing him. I was relieved and quickly sent an SMS telling him to at least send him my Salam and invitation to our little home in S'oton.

Sadly, the text message didn't receive a reply until one day KakLong's lil sister in Dublin told me that he was in S'oton and will be travelling around the South! Again, quickly, tried asking some students if they know that he's around but I was too late. The moment my questions were answered he has already left S'oton and I don't think I'll get to see him, ever!

Frustrated. I can't even remember the last time I met him. He didn't even had the chance to attend our walimah for reasons unavoidable and I've never seen him since then. I have so many questions to ask and most of all, I just need to see him!

I keep telling myself that it's ok, tak ada rezeki and I've tried. But Allah Knows how happy I was knowing he's here and how it turned into negative feelings not having the chance to at last (I thought) meet him with my new little family, husband and son. Allah, Allah, Allah.

But ALlah Most Gracious listens how, and knows why and He granted my wish when I least expect it!

Talking to my mother near New Year's eve, I told her that I didn't get to talk to him nor meet him and I think he's back in Malaysia already.

Later that week, at last, an SMS from my dear schoolmate came asking my contact number for another junior of mine. I thought it was just another Alumni thingy but I was so surprised, soon after my husband replied the message a call came in and seconds after I was talking to Mu'allim Muhaimin! Subhanallah, my heart was jumping and ... err whatever that's applicable :) - he said he's coming to visit me tomorrow if it's okay with us. OF COURSE! (Nah, cemburu tak kalian?!)

And on the morning of Thursday, 4th January 2007, we had our first special guest/visitor from home that didn't only remind me of home but the place and the people I've known for so long ... the people I call friends and teachers, the place I really felt like "home" and the memories I've always treasured all my life ...
* may Allah bless him for his kindness towards me and family. Cikgu pula yang cari dan ziarah anak murid! :D

Mu'allim Muhaimin was not only a teacher and none of my mua'llims nor mu'allimats were ... they are murabbis, they aren't my parents but they are people so dear and close to my heart for what they've instilled in my soul for more than a decade. Hira' was also no mere memory to me, it was a blessing of a lifetime! I am what I am, partly because of them and partly because of my family (other than my current life-educating processes and experiences). The place that reminds me of Allah and the beauty of Islam in both, ideals and practice. We had an Islamic bi'ah/environment I've yet to re-discover anywhere. It wasn't perfect but enough to teach me and enlighten me with a mission and vision that guides my lifetime journey.

One thing about Mu'allim Muhaimin himself; in Hira' we were taught to give salam especially to teachers whenever we pass by anyone of them, but this mu'allim of mine has always challenged us the other way round ... he'll be the one giving salam first when we are struggling to find the chance to greet him before he does! :) Teringat beria-ia sengaja kami tunggu dekat koridor kelas yang dua tiga meter je dari bilik Mu'allimun sebelum Mu'allim lalu, macam main aci, nak cuba beri salam dulu! I'm not sure whether we've ever "won" that game though ;).

That's why these people are special. They have great knowledge yet a very humble character. They treated us like children, or at least someone close to them, not just like a student -I don't know whom- but I just have to teach- till they pass in class like many no-teaching-passion teachers are nowadays :(.

I remembered the day I was asked whether I want to go to Hira' (for primary) or another school, I simply said Hira', not knowing why but I believed it was His plans for me. I enjoyed 9 official years there as a student and "child" along with my female siblings. I'm not sure what they think or feel about it now, but I'll say I have no regrets being part of the system though we had to learn in harsh conditions and hardly being recognized by government institutions nor anywhere else. Whenever I'm there it feels like, "I don't wanna grow up I'm a Hira' kid" :) (quote:Toys R Us).

I left Hira' with a heavy heart, always finding a way to get back. Alhamdulillah, we manage to establish an Alumni where I did get a chance to work for and enjoy reunions with the people I've always cherished and loved.

Hira' is still very much alive and expanding. It has been growing since those sweet old days with new branches in Jeram and Shah Alam. We have a big family of Hira'ians now. I'm not sure if my teachers could still remember me but I remembered the last time I called Jeram's office to enquire about something when I was in the university, the staff requested my name and I said I was a student but I don't think you'll know me. Citing my name, he quickly told the others it's me and I heard somebody said; "Siapa tak kenal "me"?!". Huhu, nasib baik tak balas, "Encik bergurau ke ni?". 'Ala kulli haal, that's what I call "home" err other than these "homes" of mine-lah of course!

Friends? They were too many to mention. Of various batches and ages. We're still in touch though many of us are already parents to children and even figures in our own fields and paths. Alhamdulillah. These are the people that need no ice breaking when they meet. They might be separated for years but their hearts are like flowers in the spring, blooming with glory whenever the sun touches them with its soft light, flourishing the earth in the slightly cosy breeze. Err ... I'm waiting for the moment to meet them again, SOON, hopefully inshaALlah :)

Well, I do miss those days, NOT to say that I'm not happy with what I have now, Alhamdulillah I am blessed with a great companion and a lovely child, MashaAllah. Just like the blessings of being a part of the Sevenlords. I just hope one day I can share this bliss and happiness of mine with my friends, as I would love to share my fond memories of yesterday with others with my little family now.

Sometimes, you just want to be "where everybody knows your name ..." :) . (quote : Cheers).



Jazakumullah khairal jazaa' ... ;)

... and yearning for another beautiful history tommorrow :)

catatan hari ini

1
Meski diungkap kalau beribu
fatamorgana tetap hanya
harap nan palsu.

2
Hari ini dan masa depan
mustahil jadi putusan
dadu yang dibaling tangan.

3
Yang bisa mengertikan hidup ini
dengan peka minda dan suci hati
akan ingin mempelajari,
tak pantas angkuh dengan
sijil-sijil rasmi pengiktirafan duniawi.

4
Ibu tua yang tidak bisa menggenggam pena,
tidak mengerti falsafah dan politik dunia
mungkin punya anak graduan PhD.

5
Kulit anjal yang penuh berkedut
membalut susuk yang tak lagi pejal
dan bukan lagi jaguh,
mungkin saksi sebuah sketsa hayat
nan panjang,
penuh makna dan harap bertaut.

6
Buah yang masak ranum
pernah muda, kelat dan keras
sebelum harum manis isinya
menjenguk halkum.

7
Yang celik mata tetapi buta hati,
hanya akan dapat melihat jalan-jalan
dan persimpangan
tanpa mengenal arah dan destinasi.

8
Hanya iman yang memandu nilai serta budi
bekal hakiki paling relevan lagi mesti
dalam meniti jalan mencari Ilahi.

khaleel el-wafy,
rumah kecil furzedown road, 9 Januari 2007.

Orang putih ke Melayu?

I'm still here, blogging in the early dark hours of the day ... The little fella has yet to make an appearance. Well, there's still 9 days to go before its due :)

Why do I blog in English?

Malay is my mother tongue though I've finished a degree with subjects mostly in Arabic and the rest in English. I love to write poems in Malay, though I do have some pieces in English and maybe one? in Arabic (its not that good though).

Indeed, I am better in Malay when it comes to expressing my thoughts and feelings in those poetic notes. Erm, puitis sangatkah? Tidak. I don't think I'm much of a poet. I've too little writings in comparison to the other poetic artists or even friends and even lieawulf! ;) I would consider my writings as notes on life and observations, unnecessarily poetic, but usually in poem-form ... sort of!

Aduh! Saya sedikit hairan bila al-akh Zaid Akhtar mengajukan pertanyaan kenapa saya berbahasa Inggeris di blog dan ke manakah puisi-puisi Melayu saya? Saya masih menulis dengan bahasa ibunda, berpuisi (mungkin) dengan bahasa yang pertama saya kenali di dunia nyata. Puisi-puisi saya juga masih memenuhi blog usang ini. But I do blog in English (I do write in Malay occassionally) for a few reasons:

- I need to practice the language, especially after graduating from the university ... well, language is a bit BIODEGRADABLE ;) you might lose it by time without practicing (its even very rusty already) ... I am currently living in an English speaking world, but I don't have the chance to mingle much to effectively practice it outside so the least I SHOULD BE DOING is this? :)

- I have many non-Malay, non-Malaysians friends. I want them to be able to understand my writings, like my dearest brother luqmanlee ... he used to visit my old blog to leave messages without having the chance to understand my musings. Isn't that a disadvantage for da'wah? (if the content is relevant).

- I believe many of my Malay speaking friends whom are internet-savvy are also multingual, bilingual: Malay+English at least! But some of my English speaking friends know very little Malay or none at all! Hence, let's do justice to everyone :)

I'm communicating with my son in Malay though I do read and teach him in English. I'm hoping that when it's time to go back home, my son will be able to speak both Malay and English well.

I can't help it. He's a Malay just like we are. So are his grandparents. I don't want him to come home like some Malay-tetapi Orang putih? children that do not even speak a single Malay word nor understand it!

I know, many people are proud to have fluent English speaking children (even if they are totally ignorant about their own language and culture), but I have to say that I'm not going to be proud to have a child instilled ONLY with values and a worldview adopted by the West. We are what we are. This is my view though. I know that sometimes people regard me as a weirdo for not being too excited living and bringing up a family in this Mat Saleh/Orang putih's country.

I'm a Muslim, and I hope to bring up a child with Islamic values and worldview, and that will be a priority. If he speaks English well, alhamdulillah, as we should benefit that from our stay here. But please Handzalah, learn Malay well (and InshaALlah Arabic too), as there's nothing wrong about being one!

Erm, there are studies suggesting that children might be confused and refuse to communicate when there's too many languages used at home. But the findings are not definite (well as far as I've read :)). Some suggest that one parent should use only one language. I do agree. But I also think Muslims are born to be at least bilingual because all of us speaks Arabic! ;) hehe in our prayers 5 times a day at least!

ALlah Knows Best! :)

buat Syaffa ...

nukilan ini buat Syaffa, my dearest cyberfriend that I haven't met but has become a dearest sister of mine ... sayang sekali berkali-kali cuba hantar pada Syaffa tapi tak berjaya. ALlah Knows Best :). Jazakumullah Khairal Jazaa' untuk kiriman dari bumi eire, moga dalam lindungan rahmatNya sentiasa!

------------------------------------------

buat Syaffa

Du'a ini buat sahabat
moga sentiasa dalam
rahmat tenang dan berkat.

Terima kasih untuk kiriman dari jauh.

Sepenuh hati aku merafa' syukur
akan ni'mat Tuhan
nan sentiasa meneduh,
kala hati dibasahi hujan sendu
kala jiwa dipanah terik mentari rindu,
bukan hanya pada abi dan ummi yang jauh
bahkan buat teman-teman
yang semusim lalu
bersama mengharung dingin tengkujuh
bahana air bah,
dari kawah dakwat
pena-pena nan jahil dan angkuh.

Titipan mereka memukul arus keliru,
menghenyak dunia yang kerdil
dihanyutkan buntu,
dunia yang sugul
makin kelam, makin kabut,
tapi kita bersatu
dan atas nama-Nya
perjuangan ini bersahut!

dan kita,
dengan dua tangan yang lemah ini,
hanya bersandar pada hati
yang teguh dan ampuh,
memohon lindungan redha hidayah,
hai musuh ALlah,
dengan mata pena ini kau kurusuh!

Pejuang ALlah tidak takut mati,
meski yang sekerdil kita ini
hanya pantas 'syahid'
dari jendela maya
dan akhbar-akhbar kontemporari.

Hari ini sahabat,
karyamu ku dakap erat
jadi semangat,
perjuangan ini tentunya penuh lelah dan penat!
Namun bukan untuk seorang aku,
kerna yang seperti engkau disitu
masih beribu-ribu di seluruh pelusuk
kerajaan Tuhanku!

Dengan nama Tuhan Yang Esa
kutuliskan bait-bait kasih,
cinta dan rindu,
moga dunia masih bisa tahu,
ni'mat Tuhan indah nian
buat yang celik dan sanggup
mengharung jalan pulang pada Yang Satu.

kuhimpunkan realiti-realiti masa,
kusandarkan pada kalimah al-Haq
dalam 'amrain' yang diwariskan baginda,
kubongkarkan makar dan tipudaya mereka,
moga dunia beroleh beza
melihat nyata
biarlah al-batil bertemu seteru yang setara!

sahabatku kalam ini untukmu,
moga qalam di tanganmu
tak pernah kering
dari bimbingan hidayah-Nya selalu!

"[Yusuf:108] Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Inilah jalanku dan orang-orang yang menurutku, menyeru manusia umumnya kepada agama Allah dengan berdasarkan keterangan dan bukti yang jelas nyata. Dan aku menegaskan: Maha suci Allah (dari segala iktiqad dan perbuatan syirik); dan bukanlah aku dari golongan yang mempersekutukan Allah dengan sesuatu yang lain."

qul hazihi sabili ... salam kasih ukhuwwah dari yang jauh:
khaleel el-wafy,
rumah kecil furzedown road, s'oton,
0325am/nov 17,2006